A Little Back Story
To be where I am today is something I truly do not take for granted. The stability and peace that I have at this point in my life is something I really wasn’t sure I would ever have. Of course, I still have some difficult days here and there, but in comparison to the past, the healing and freedom I have experienced is exponential. Many moments in my life had me at my total whits-end in terms of mental health issues. I can assure you I have known hopelessness at a very heavy level.
I don’t share this for sympathy in any capacity. I share it because I am in awe of what Jesus has done in my life. To be honest, I feel like a completely different person. And many people who have known me my whole life, particularly those who knew me before I moved to TN, would say the same exact thing. So, if you are struggling with something, or if you are feeling alone in whatever you may be going through, my desire is to share some of my stories so that you may feel less alone and maybe find some hope along the way. I look forward to hearing your stories as well. :)
My past has been both beautiful and fulfilling, as well as really dark and terrifying at times. I always have had a loving family, lots of friends, a deep passion for horses, the love of the outdoors, and the foundation of faith. But on the other side of my past, I struggled so deeply with OCD intrusive thoughts and behaviors, anxiety, depression, PTSD, disordered eating, and addiction. There were several times when my parent’s and doctors didn’t know how to help me with my mental struggles in the height of things as a child/young adult, and that was really scary. All of this really affected me during different points of my life, making it very difficult to function in day to day life.
During a very difficult time in my late 20s, I felt God giving me the nudge to move to TN. So I packed up my stuff and moved to Franklin, TN all by myself at the beginning of 2020. Between then and now I have put in so much work going to therapy (I still see the same therapist today), Christian counseling, and AA recovery. There have been many ups and downs in the last six years, but I can say with much gratitude that my life got so much better and I became so much more stable when I laid the bottle down almost three years ago. Thank God.
Throughout my blog I promise to open up in more detail about all of this stuff. The hardest thing for me during the darkest times in my life was the feeling that I was “the only one” going through it and that I was completely alone to try and claw my way out. Feeling alone in the darkness is nothing short of absolutely terrifying. One reason I started this blog is to share my journey so that others may feel less alone, seen, and heard… if my story resonates with y’all in any way. :)
This blog is definitely NOT coming from a place of me thinking I have “figured it all out”. Each day I learn more about myself, continue to be humbled, and become more aware of the endless ways I need Jesus. I am so grateful that alcohol recovery has shown me the that I was operating out of control and that I was in denial in many areas of my life. It has been a gift to realize I get to surrender every aspect of my life to God (not saying it’s always easy). But I am so grateful for the healing and freedom that I have received thus far in my life. I am looking forward to sharing the things that have helped me and encouraged me along my journey. And I am hopeful that we can all cheer each other on, my friends.
<3 Mack
